(Warrior/ Virabhadrasana III – A true balancing pose with full focus and concentration of the mind, body and soul. Also one of the hardest warrior poses. It strengthens your thigh muscles, core, as well as your shoulders and arms. An easy transition from the mountain pose with feet grounded towards the earth, when ready focus on a focal point and allow yourself to bend forward and raise the back leg.)
In the Moment…
When is the right time to write a new entry, a new memory down on paper, translating thoughts into words, ideas into stories? It’s the spurs of the moment, a pause in motion, where your mind goes into a trance and falls into deep thought. These spurs happen to me quite often and I wish I can express the juxtaposing ideas into words. Our minds are constantly working overtime trying to make sense of what is going on, what does it mean, why am I thinking or feeling this way. Is it because the sky is gloomy and grey, is it the soft breeze after the sunset, is it the cool temperature hugging your skin from the shade, or is it the calm of the lake view that fills your eyesight.
What makes us feel the way we do?
I am writing as I think and I almost cannot recall what I originally wanted to write. As writers, are we suppose to write as soon as we feel that we want to express? I am trying to relive the moment yet I am having difficulty because I cannot express how I really felt before. So that’s what they meant when they said “live in the moment” because that moment will never be the same. A days ago, I found myself to be sentimental and started to analysis my life, my decisions, my ideas. I began to make sense of my own self, of why I been feeling a bit down lately. I hold very high standards for myself and I give myself a hard time. I feel that writing is therapeutic but in a way its also psychotic because you are basically talking to yourself. Then again, who isn’t a little bit crazy right?
A combination of my job and my family has been putting a lot of pressure on me.
My mom fell really sick a few weeks ago, honestly I felt as if the world is crushing down on me. All the good things in life just fell apart, as if nothing else existed. I couldn’t go to work; I couldn’t do anything productive. I held myself together but I was breaking down every other hour. Everything was miserable. It was a miracle that somehow I was able to find a doctor for her and found the assistance I needed. It was a relief. I know that somewhere out there is a guardian angel looking down who is protecting my family and I.
Promotion to an Assistant Manager at work did not seem to go as well as I expected. Although I am aware of the corporate politics and the locations were not ideal for me, I couldn’t help but to feel disappointed. Personally I do not take rejections very well. It’s new and different for me. Guess I have been spoiled. I have always performed well in school, was a straight A student, did everything right and was praised all the time. Ironically since I’ve been working in the fashion/commercial/entertainment industry I should be a pro at taking rejections but this was on a completely different level. This was not a casting or an audition, this was for my job, a career that I am passionate and committed to. I tend to put more pressure on myself but I cannot help it. I was too eager to reach to the top, to the next level, to advance as soon as possible. The frustration was killing me inside.
I am trying though. Trying to stop being my own worst enemy.
Yoga is a necessity for me now. It is a part of my lifestyle. It’s a time and space where I can just stop and pause and focus on my mind, body, and soul. I feel amazing every time I stretch and know that with a little patience we can maintain our well being. When you don’t have your health, you have nothing. No money in the world can buy you happiness as the same for your health.
I am calmer now. I am taking a little break, visiting out of town, just to breathe a little.
A time out much needed.